The Dream That Won’t Leave Me Alone

We must dream big

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The standard protocol of creating a new [music] blog is to start things off with a professional bio and introduction with some accolades, well, I’m not going to do that here. I’ll share some snippets of who I am though. I want to voice what’s been eating my lunch; provoking me to sail a ship that has stayed docked in the harbor for far too long. In case anyone was wondering, yes, I am a drummer. Perhaps the name of the blog gave it away? Just checking.

People who know me, especially those who grew up with me, understand that I’ve been a drummer for most of my life. I’ve done a number of fun/exciting things [1] made possible by being involved in music, but have allowed the ills of the machine and those chewed up by it, to cloud my view and subsequent drive for this “calling”. This has fostered a struggle within me which has spanned most of my adult life.

Okay, lets fast forward. In recent months I have had this reoccurring dream where I’m playing music again –and having the time of my life– but I then have the thought that I’m too old (I’m in my 30’s) and broken; realizing that I am indeed dreaming, and I wake up. Once I’m awake, I still feel the deep sorrow of a “squandered life” (and gift) that I’ve seemingly hated more than I’ve loved…even though it’s been my passion for over two decades. In the past few weeks, I’ve been guilty of crying –more than I’d like to admit– due to a mixture of sadness, joy, and remorse etc when I think about playing drums again. I’m haunted by all of this, but I know I must, it’s what I do. Can we put those violins away now? Thanks.

Lately I’ve been doing some background acting (In addition, I’m a health and fitness writer, also a certified personal trainer) and when I was working on the show Glee, I met an interesting person while on set. I met a woman that is in a similar situation to that of I; a circumstance via an injury which has changed each of our lives, and how we approach day to day issues. Through a long day of work (16.5 hours), we encouraged each other to push through to the other side, and not let the present dictate the future. The conversations that we had, were a partial catalyst to work on my craft again [2] (oh ya, and that pesky dream too, as aforementioned), despite being in the valley of the shadow at this time. I’m daring to dream again. Ahoy!



[1] For example: I’ve had the privilege to be on some tours, have met some fascinating people and got the opportunity to perform in the Pasadena Rose Parade while in high school.

[2] I find it interesting that a music show (despite all of the other sets that I’ve worked on) is where this happened.


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